Dating apps: how to start a good conversation. Illustration: Elasaude
If you are a fan of dating apps to meet new people, you may have encountered difficulties in developing a good conversation with a potential match. Fortunately, the internet has solutions for — almost — everything, including success in virtual flirting.
First impressions are critical in any context, especially when a potential relationship is at stake. This is because people “have a natural desire to digest small amounts of information (such as what’s in your bio) to make bigger decisions (like if it’s worth going on a date with someone, for example).”
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According to sociologist Jess Sabino, how you perceive someone in the first few minutes of interaction is as lasting an impression as how you would feel after spending three whole hours with them. So, invest in your “opening message” for successful flirting.
How to maintain a good conversation on dating apps
Start with a short message…
“Many people spend a lot of time and energy sending a message and personalizing it. But, in the end, it’s really a numbers game online,” says relationship coach Adam Lo Dolce, who notes that you should keep in mind that the person you’re reaching out to may be receiving many messages.
For that reason, he recommends keeping yours short, playful, and a bit personal. Some examples:
“Hi! You seem to be…”
“I think it’s amazing that you…”
“You seem cool! How’s your week going?”
… or playful
Dating apps are already full of people sending a simple “hi,” which is why yours can easily get ignored. Therefore, Adam encourages sending a first message that stands out. “Teasing someone is a great way to set yourself apart,” he says.
However, these teasers should show interest and come across as fun and flirty, not critical. Try:
“You mentioned you love band X. A bit old-school, but I’m still into it!”
“No way you hate ice cream! I need details!”
“Be honest. Is that dog really yours, or just for the pic?”
Ask where they’re from
“When engaging with someone for the first time, it’s important to signal that you’re interested in them,” says Jess. This means genuinely wanting more details about their life. “The safest question to ask is, ‘Where are you from?’ because everyone is from somewhere,” continues the sociologist. Other examples include:
“How long have you been living in…?”
“What’s your favorite restaurant around here?”
“Are you a fan of any local sports teams?”
“Ever been to place X? It’s on my bucket list!”
Include a compliment
“There’s nothing wrong with complimenting someone if they’re doing something cool in their profile,” says Adam. However, the coach generally encourages his clients to stick to general compliments rather than physical ones, leaving room for a more open conversation. Try something like:
“Did you cook that dinner in the photo yourself? I can’t wait to try your food!”
“Wow, you hike? You must love staying fit.”
Use each app’s features to your advantage
Each app has its own features that make it easier for people to connect. You can check the favorite songs of your potential match or their latest Instagram posts. Try saying something like:
“I saw your playlist and I’m a fan of that artist too! Have you ever seen them live?”
Stick to the basics
If someone has an empty profile or you’re feeling nervous and/or uninspired, don’t panic. Go for easy questions that can reveal a lot about a person, based on their cultural interests. Try:
“What’s your favorite movie genre and favorite movie?”
“Name the last book you read?”
“Where was the last place you traveled?”
Or even:
“Your profile says very little. How about you tell me more about yourself?”
Avoid common flirting mistakes
Most dating experts agree that you don’t need to get into super deep topics on the first date, much less in the first message. Remember: you’re still figuring out if there’s chemistry, so some topics can be saved for later. Keep the conversation light and fun, but also avoid anything that might come across as intimidating, like excessive compliments on physical appearance.
