Whether for legal issues or emotional involvement, the end of a marriage can be even more difficult than the end of a relationship. And, believe it or not, there are some common reasons for divorce that plague couples all over the world.
Often, the reason for a divorce is in the past, even during dating. “Sometimes people want a divorce for the same reason they might have had doubts about getting into the relationship,” points out psychologist Elizabeth Cohen. “Generally, they are things that bothered her before, they just accumulated for so long that you know they are not going to change,” she continues.
In this sense, family lawyer Erin Levine adds: “It is possible that the decision comes after years and years of contemplating and trying to make the marriage work.” And although every relationship is unique, there are some more common reasons for divorce frequently cited by psychologists and lawyers. Check them out:
The 12 most common reasons for divorce
1 — Communication issues
Communication is crucial for the success of a relationship, and the lack of it can lead to commitment issues, organization, financial and others. If you don’t communicate in a way that both understand, the discussion becomes unproductive and resentment arises.
“Your behavior may not match what your partner needs,” recalls Elizabeth, and that’s why lack of communication precedes divorce.
2 — Lack of love
According to a study published by the “Journal of S… Marital Therapy”, half of the recently divorced couples pointed out lack of love or intimacy as the reason for their separation. “There is this overarching feeling of distance that happens over time,” points out Elizabeth.
3 — Lack of intimacy
The lack of physical contact and a stagnant intimate life are also reasons for divorce, as they cause disconnection between the couple.
4 — There’s no partnership
About the couples she sees, Erin reports: “They tell me: ‘Here I am in a relationship and it feels like I’m alone.'” Although it’s healthy for people to have their individuality in a relationship, the sense of partnership is essential to create connection and prevent loneliness.
5 — You were not ready to get married
“The similarity between two partners helps predict who stays together and who does not,” points out Terri Orbuch, author of several books about relationships and professor at Oakland University (USA). “If you get married too early or can’t identify who you are and what is important to you, then you might not choose the best partner.”
Maybe you were not fully in tune with yourself or were not 100% sure when you said “yes”, and when a series of confrontations — like different values, emotional baggage from past adventures, and lack of real trust — arise, you are in the crosshairs of divorce.
6 — Addictions
In 2013, a survey by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) in the United States showed that a third of divorced people pointed to substance abuse as the reason for their separation.
7 — Domestic violence
From physical damage to emotional manipulation, domestic violence can be stopped through divorce. Separating from an abusive partner, in a safe way and with support, is the best way to end the cycle of aggression.
Terri explains that abuse differs from other causes of divorce because “it is not a relationship problem, but something that is inside your partner.” In the same NCBI study, about a quarter of respondents said that domestic violence led to divorce.
8 — Infidelity
A relationship can hardly thrive when there is no trust. In this sense, an infidelity can be the biggest break of trust, and although it is possible to recover from it, it is also a common reason for divorce.
9 — Lack of emotional support
“The failure in communication often leads people to feel desperate, so they criticize, get angry or make demands,” points out Erin. “Nobody wants to be around that kind of energy.”
And Elizabeth agrees, noting that she talks to many divorced women who felt harmed, disrespected, and as if they were not a priority in marriage. Once empathy and compassion are gone, “it’s very hard to get back together,” she says.
10 — Fatigue
Erin reports that, generally, people who choose to end a long-standing marriage have tried to save it for years, without success. If you strive, but your partner doesn’t seem to have the same interest, it’s common for you to lose the will to be together.
11 — Financial problems
Money can easily trigger tension in a marriage. Disagreements about finances make things complicated, “especially when they disrupt teamwork,” emphasizes Elizabeth. Over time, the tension can build up.
12 — Lost sense of self
You will likely change your interests over a marriage, especially in the long term. “Often, in relationships, one partner sacrifices what they want and need to keep the marriage together,” says Elizabeth.
