Which secrets to hide and which to reveal to your loved one

Which secrets to hide and which to reveal to your loved one. Photo: pexels
Which secrets to hide and which to reveal to your loved one. Photo: pexels

A study from Columbia University in the United States revealed that each person in a relationship keeps approximately 13 secrets from their partner. This means that keeping secrets from your loved one might be more common than you think.

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However, is this practice healthy for your love life? With information from “Slice”, discover eight secrets you shouldn’t hide from your loved one — and another six you might want to keep to yourself.

Secrets you shouldn’t hide in a relationship

1 – Lies

The most common secret in relationships is hiding a lie. One or two of them might not harm your life together, but the habit of lying can be extremely damaging — even physically.
The rising feelings of guilt and anxiety resulting from lying can manifest in your body as heartburn, panic attacks, and insomnia.

2 – Mental health

The fear of being vulnerable may lead to secrecy. However, hiding a fragile state of mental health might have a negative impact on you and the future of your relationship.

3 – Finances

Not revealing if you have financial troubles or how much money you earn might prevent the relationship from progressing, affecting the expectations you both have as a couple and how you make decisions together — from choosing where to vacation to where to live.

4 – Thoughts of infidelity

If you’re considering getting involved with someone other than your partner, be honest with yourself. Figure out if you’re just fantasizing or if you’re discovering something about your current relationship, beyond the consequences of possible actions.
Relationship experts don’t recommend saying “I’m thinking of cheating on you,” but it’s worth sharing if you feel that your relationship needs strengthening.

5 – Unhappiness

The more one person depends on the other, the less likely they are to split. On the contrary, they’ll keep their unhappiness a secret, probably because the feeling might “pass” or they love their partners more than their feelings of unhappiness — a heavy secret to hide in a relationship.

6 – Beliefs and values

Topics like religion and politics can be hard to discuss, and some couples simply don’t share the beliefs and values of each other.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, however, these topics will eventually come up, especially if you’ll need to discuss raising children and celebrating holidays, for instance.

7 – Having been cheated on

Admitting you were cheated on in a past relationship is a hard secret to tell, mainly because it might seem like you’re still holding onto the pain. However, your new love might find out sooner or later, especially if jealousy, skepticism, and confrontations arise regularly without reason.

8 – Past relationships

Not telling your loved one about a past relationship might mean that you don’t believe your current relationship could survive the truth.

Secrets you might prefer to keep to yourself

1 – Desiring someone else

Having a “crush” on someone else is normal and might even make you feel good, possibly sparking something within your own relationship. It’s not immoral and doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble, unless this crush evolves into a betrayal or your feelings for your partner change.

2 – Disliking your partner’s friends

Should you keep it a secret if you don’t particularly like your loved one’s friends? It depends on how the situation affects you. If your feelings are bearable — meaning you can handle the situation — it’s okay. Not every couple needs to have the same friends.
However, bad-mouthing your partner’s friends can have long-term effects. A study published by the “Journal of Social and Personal Relationships” in 2017 found that disliking friends can lead to increased conflict and, eventually, divorce. So you might want to keep it to yourself if you can.

3 – Family secrets

Every family has its issues, and you might not feel comfortable sharing the messy details of your relatives’ histories with someone else.
Family secrets are layered and constructed from various perspectives and value systems, and revealing a secret might become confusing if you can’t adequately explain the situation or provide a viewpoint your partner might understand.

4 – Ambitions

The easiest way to determine if you should reveal your secrets is to ask yourself if it’s about hiding the truth or maintaining your privacy. You’re entitled to privacy, so if you want to keep a goal to yourself, you can.
However, keep in mind that a bit of support from your partner might help, and reflect on the reasons why you want to keep this secret — might they suggest a breakup is near?

5 – Physical aspects

Some secrets might revolve around how you’re unhappy with your appearance. Generally, this information is kept private, especially early in a relationship, for fear of vulnerability and judgment.
You should recognize, however, that these types of secrets will most likely be revealed over time, and the right person will support you concerning them.

6 – Things you dislike

If your partner bought an outfit you found unattractive or made a dinner that wasn’t tasty, you should be able to keep your feelings a secret to avoid hurting their feelings.

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