If all the singles in Brazil were to raise their hands right now, there would be about 77 million adults involved, according to the IBGE (Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics), 50.8% of whom are women, ready to dance to the tune of “All the Single Ladies“, by Beyoncé.
But don’t be mistaken in thinking they are sad about it. If before the norm was to find movies with women lamenting and hunting for boyfriends, like in “He’s Just Not That Into You” (2009), now we come across Amy Schumer desperate not to enter a relationship in “Trainwreck” (2014) or Julia Roberts and Reese Witherspoon representing, in “Eat, Pray, Love” (2010) and “Wild” (2014), girls who leave their relationships in the background to travel alone in search of self-knowledge.
In fact, for most of them, it is preferable to be alone, but successful and satisfied rather than in bad company, according to a recent survey.
Turn the page to meet four types of single women who are redefining what it means to be free – in addition to the couples who have started to change their routines to adapt to this new reality.
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Profile: Full of Friends
Is your calendar packed with plans? Nothing strange about that. A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (USA) found that single people are more likely to have a more active social life and stay in touch with their friends and family more often than those in relationships.
(Who hasn’t had a friend who became a ghost after starting to date? Or a sister who evaporated from the map when she moved to another city with her husband? The love bubble is real).
All this socialization opens doors to meet new people – and maybe a special friend to share the room at night. Studies prove that women enjoy and desire casual sex as much as men. And this is just a bonus, among the various pleasures of being single.
Apply it to Life
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, having a range of friends to call your own can bring more fulfillment to your life than a romantic relationship. Moreover, confining yourself to a relationship and not having this multiple cohabitation is harmful: “Living for one person generates a lot of dependence and anxiety, you lose sight of your individuality,” says Gabriela Malzyner, a psychologist and professor of psychoanalysis at the Center for Psychoanalytic Studies, in São Paulo.
“If we don’t have contact with other realities and an exchange of experiences and opinions with friends, our references and parameters decrease,” she adds. But making the rounds on your friends’ social media updates won’t be enough – you really have to enjoy them in real time.
If you’ve been a social hermit lately, Marina Vasconcellos, a psychologist and professor of Medical Psychology at the University of São Paulo, suggests reconnecting with someone who would support your current goals. Like, for example, your friend obsessed with posting gym selfies on Instagram, who can help you get back to your training routine, or that acquaintance who always comments on books and movies and would be great to recommend some – and then talk about them too.
“Another idea is to sign up for activities that can be done in groups and that promote more than one encounter, like a cooking course or dance classes,” she says. “The common interest can bring people together and serves as a starting point to start a connection.
“The important thing is to keep your mind always open and realize that some friends will be better for fun, while others can be great for a more serious conversation. Therefore, it is worth investing in a broad network of friendships.
Profile: The Homemaker
Compared to our grandmothers’ generation, we are seeking more and more academic degrees and significantly higher salaries. So, with this independence, why wouldn’t we be financing our own homes too? In the United States, the trend is strong among singles: the latest report from the National Association of Realtors, a virtual American network for real estate brokerage, shows that single women make up 16% of homebuyers, while 9% are men in the same marital status.
Apply it to Life
According to Julyana Bortolotto, an architect and owner of a homonymous office in São Paulo, the financial crisis we are going through has made the real estate market favorable for those who want to buy. There are also many rental opportunities at prices lower than those practiced last year, and among all options, the apartment may be the best, as it is safer. When mapping out the neighborhood, select those that best meet your daily needs.
“There are many offers on the market, but the tip is to choose one close to your work and well located in relation to businesses and places of interest, like a park or bike path,” says Julyana. If you don’t know where to start, there are some tips worth noting.
“To avoid any future struggle, have an emergency fund at least six times larger than the value of the monthly cost invested in the acquisition,” advises Thiago Nigro, from São Paulo, owner of the investment site O Primo Rico (oprimorico.com.br). According to him, the ideal is to rent a property and save what is left of the fixed monthly income to save money. When you have saved enough, you will be able to buy your house with some discount and will have done this in less time than if you had financed it for thirty years. All you need to do is get organized!
Profile: The Traveler
According to the 2015 Visa Global Travel Intentions Study, 40% of solo travelers are women. And they are dominating the scene of more adventurous activities, such as rafting, for example. A survey conducted by the Booking.com platform revealed that 63% of single female travelers report feeling more energized after taking solo vacations compared to those enjoyed with another person.
Apply it to Life
You may not know how to get around and take a bus in a foreign place at first, but when you overcome this feeling of anxiety, you really learn about yourself, your perseverance and resilience. There are also other advantages related to this journey, such as gaining independence.
“Stop thinking you need approval from family, friends, partner, and knowing that you can and should have time for yourself is priceless,” says Gaía Passarelli, from São Paulo, author of the book “But are you going alone?” (R$ 39, Globo Publisher).
Furthermore, your itinerary can be tailor-made – which means you can wake up whenever you want and make the itinerary you want without having to justify yourself to anyone. According to Gaía, however, it is essential to be aware of your vulnerability and know what the cultural codes of the destination are.
Free apps like Jetzy and Skout (available for iPhone and Android) can connect you to other travelers based on your location, so you can ask for instant and hot tips that veer off traditional tourist spots.
Profile: The Self-Sufficient Mother
Last year, a survey conducted by Data Popular revealed that there are more than 20 million single mothers in the country, with 55% belonging to the middle class, 25% to the upper class, and 20% to the lower class.
Also within this study, it was found that 21st century mothers are less conservative than those of the previous century: in the past, 75% of these women believed that it was only possible to be happy with the constitution of a family. Now, the number has dropped to 66%, validating the trend.
Apply it to Life
Now that it is more common, having a child alone is no longer so socially stigmatized. “If a woman is well resolved with herself and is sure of her decision, there is no reason not to make it,” says Maura de Albanesi, a psychologist, coach and writer from São Paulo. Like Nathália, of course, you will need to have a well consolidated support system. “During pregnancy and after, the emotional state becomes delicate.
In addition, it is difficult to raise a child alone, as you channel all roles in the child’s growth. It is essential to have family and friends close by for emotional support,” adds Maura.
The decision must be very well planned: according to a study conducted by the National Institute of Sales and Trade Marketing (Invent), the cost of raising a child until they are 23 years old can range between R$ 407,000 and R$ 2 million.
